I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
