you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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