A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
