just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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