we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
