I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
