everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
