somebody snuck up and got me drunk
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
