we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
