Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
