is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
