I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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