Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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