I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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