so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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