I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
