it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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