I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
