she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want nice things and good sex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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