HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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