You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
