the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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