And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
