You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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