look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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