bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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