I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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