"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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