dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
