im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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