I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
