I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
