I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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