Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were trust falling into bushes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
