This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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