Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
