this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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