I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
As shirtless as possible
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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