Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
