He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
