promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Couch. On fire.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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