***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
PANTIES FOUND
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
