You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
