She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
