i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
