I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
