I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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