OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
