i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
