I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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