Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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