Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
