Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
