You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
